This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
