he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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