The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
