guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
