well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
