Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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