the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
