don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
