so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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