is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Even my vagina gasped.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
