who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
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Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
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and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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