And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
