I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
