How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
