dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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