pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
