my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
