In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Houston, we have a blender
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
