u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
