You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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