If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
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I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
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It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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