we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
