anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Randomize
