whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Go christen that room with your naked body.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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