it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she looked like the before picture.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
