My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
that's an acceptable place to lick
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
