Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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