forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
