I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
