why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
