Plan B is the new Plan A
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
