I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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