My sheets look like a crime scene.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Randomize
