she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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