he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
