She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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