You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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