Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
