giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
