I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
