I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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