Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
