my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
