I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
