He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
