theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I wish i was in the wii world.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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