Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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