im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
