Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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