That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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