Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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