Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
