just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
