the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize