woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
