Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
