Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
