chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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