look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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