My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
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I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
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I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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