This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
