went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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