your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
