Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Randomize
