70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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