I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
