Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
