dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
