so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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