we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
