She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
