just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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